Nothing much...just random thoughts and life happenings

Well, yesterday I finished my dissertation proposal to be defended at the end of the month. Big step toward finally finishing this degree. Then comes the challenge of writing the actual dissertation and ALL the hoops that I will jump through to get to the end. I remind myself, "one step at a time." It is tough when the rise on each step seems more like a mountain and your legs are not nearly long enough.

I attended a course this weekend called "All the World's a Stage" and found it to be illuminating. I could have chosen to go many different ways with the course, but chose to expose some long standing beliefs I have had around what it means for a woman to be sensual and sexy. I have had it that to even try to be that way keeps a woman from having female friends and men will only objectify those women and never respect them. Boy, is that screwed up? These were some hidden beliefs I had. It was amazing to see in my last quasi-relationship how I could make myself vulnerable by expressing my own self more fully. Unfortunately, that relationship didn't work out, but I liked myself more when I was able to be me and not hide out. I learned a great deal from that relationship...still am as I learn to let go of it and create what I want in my life. Scary too as I continually ask myself, "What if?" I just know that in many aspects I am an all or none type person and I cannot have a taste of something wonderful without wanting more, so "hold on loosely" does not apply to me, no matter how much I might try. I rather grip onto something and hold it carefully, lovingly, and firmly.

Wondering why in the heck the gas prices fell so drastically then immediately rose after the election results were in? Wondering why Bush really did wait to get rid of Rumsfeld? Wondering when the war will be over? Wondering when the genocide will stop in Darfur and if we will step forward to help out? Guessing not since there is no oil or anything to "gain." Wondering when I am going to stop reading about senseless murders at the hands of family members, people you are suppose to be able to trust? Is anything really that bad?